When I was in High School, Science was one of my worst subjects. Not because I couldn’t do the work, I just wasn’t interested. I spent most of my time talking to two friends about utter tosh. It was during one of these science lessons that we collectively decided that Pikachu (the little yellow Pokémon character) was actually evil and could only be stopped by gravy beasts (our own creation born of utter boredom and unwillingness to study the periodic table). I hadn’t thought about those fictional characters until tonight when I had an unexpected message from one of those friends on Facebook. I laughed so much I nearly spat my drink all over myself when I read it.
That one small memory triggered a whole chain reaction of different memories, good and bad, from school all the way to the present.
I spend most of my time going from one minute to the next. I like to make plans but they rarely work out. Most of the time, I rarely feel like an adult at all. I have insecurities about meeting new people, often second guess myself about the work I do and am hugely critical about my ability to be a good mother. In my mind, I still feel like I’m only 17 or 18 and I’m trying to act like a proper grown up. It’s only when a complete shock memory like the gravy beasts comes out of the blue that I get a rare chance to evaluate my life with a little perspective.
Although I feel like the same girl I was over a decade ago, her and I are worlds apart. That girl had no direction in life and really wasn’t a great contributor to society at all.
The amount of times that I have felt as if I am simply treading water to keep afloat is unbelievable. When you just live in the moment, you don’t always appreciate how time moves on and things change. But now when I stop and look around, I realise that;
- I have a daughter who you would have to meet to truly appreciate how amazing she actually is.
- I live in a different country.
- I have a job that I actually love doing so much that I, (me with practically no self-discipline) work almost around the clock to get things right and better myself.
- I. Am. Succeeding. In. Life.
Who would have thought that all those small moments when it felt like I was getting nowhere, were actually leading up to this? The fact that I have ended up in such a different place to that girl back in the science lessons tells me that I must have been travelling forward, not simply treading water.
There are people all over the world who don’t truly value what they do and that’s a shame. Mothers and fathers raise their children every day. Friends support their other friends all the time. People get up and go to jobs that they love, hate or are indifferent to. It all seems so mundane to those people to do those things, like it doesn’t matter. But when you look around, there are people everywhere who can’t do any of that. Those everyday tasks that people do make up the moments to shape their lives and the lives of those around them.
I look around my little apartment, with my daughter sleeping safe and sound and I realise that not only do I now have direction in life, but I walk in that direction every day. The best thing is, my travelling isn’t over yet – either literally or metaphorically speaking. Not only do I have my own achievements to be proud of, but I get to watch my little girl go through her own special journey, setting her goals and achieving things one by one.
Sometimes it’s good to take a look at the small things and be thankful for them; they all make the bigger picture.
Rainy or Peachy 