Time for an update on how life is for me at the moment. I’m sure you’re all very interested…
Well yesterday was the day my ex moved out and went back to England. I felt a little sad that we would probably never see each other again (I’m slightly angry with him about the situation but I won’t go into it). I had already blocked him from all my social networks and I don’t have his number so he is effectively out of my life. Except for the fact of course, that we share a daughter.
For her sake, we have kept things civil and to be fair, it is not all that hard because I have always liked this man that’s been my significant other for the past ten years. We have been each others rocks for so long that it feels a little unbalanced knowing that when either one of us reaches out in the future the other will not be there to take the load.
Surprisingly though, I am not absolutely heartbroken as I have been previously (those of you who follow my blog will know we’ve been on and off all year). Instead, I felt an almost sense of relief that it is really over. I wondered why this should be and I slowly realised that he was not the version of himself that I love. Everybody has a dark side, myself included and I have worked very hard indeed to overcome mine. In fact, we both worked together to be the best possible versions of ourselves and begin afresh. This was a huge reason for moving to Bulgaria. Unfortunately, for reasons known only to himself, my Ex has reverted back to somebody who I don’t like very much, let alone love. I am sad that we had to end, and that does hurt. I am also sad that he doesn’t seem to see the potential in himself that I see. I am hurt that I could not protect my daughter from the heartbreak of her father not being there. But I cannot change water to wine and I cannot change the will of a man just by needing it to be so. Believe me I have tried and it hurts more than anything to fail.
The revelation that I no longer want to be with this man is liberating. Do I wish that he was the version of himself that I love and didn’t leave? Unequivocally yes. But that is not the case. He is troubled and I cannot help him anymore so I will let him go and wish him luck.
My daughter is older and wiser than her years (scarily so sometimes). She misses her dad when he’s away, but she, like all of us, eventually gets used to the situation at hand. I will channel my efforts into supporting her by laughing with her twice as hard and working every second that I can to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.
I have no doubt at all that my Ex will continue to support our daughter and stay in touch with her and I would encourage him to do so. But for us adults, I have already walked away.
After a revolutionary day yesterday, I get to enjoy my lazy Sunday which largely consists of snuggles on the settee with my little girl while we watch our favourite programmes; X Factor and Merlin. Of course today brings an extra treat with the Mobo’s aswell. I may decide to do some Pilates later but we will see how things go.
So there it is. Some people may look on yesterday as being rainy and to be honest, it was a little. But overall, the finality of it all gave me the closure I needed and now I am on the brink of starting out my life again which is scary to say the least, but also invigorating and exciting! Altogether, peachy times!