There are lots of reasons that people enter a long distance relationship. Singles who meet online might find a kindred spirit on a different continent; couples may go to different colleges or Universities and sometimes people need to work away. Whatever the reason, there are couples all around the world who spend their time missing their partners, waiting for the day that they are able to truly be together again.
Statistically speaking…
According to Statistic Brain, 14 million couples worldwide say that they are in long distance relationships. So what are the chances of these couples making it? Well statistically speaking…
- Total amount of long distance relationships that fail – 40%
- Average time for break-up to occur in a long distance relationship – 4.5 months
Pretty depressing data eh? Of course there will be people out there who will shout from the rooftops that they will be in the 60% that make it because their relationship is the strongest that they know. Whilst this is a great attitude to have, the facts tell us that confidence in a relationship working is not enough to see a result. 70% of those relationships which fail are put down to the fact that the couples were not prepared for the huge change of living so far away from each other.
So the big question – How do you make sure you’re not in that 40% and you get that long awaited happy reunion?
- image source: wallchan.com http://www.wallchan.com/1450-couple-reunited-wallpaper/
Making it work
Firstly, I think it’s important to realise that long distance relationships actually can work. 60% is on the right side of half as far as I’m concerned. In fact if only 1% of couples were in a successful long distance relationship then it would be enough to inspire hope, but then again, I’m a “glass is half full” kind of girl at heart.
So how do these superstar couples make the long distance thing work? Well you don’t have to be a psychologist or relationship expert to figure out that they will be putting a huge amount of effort into keeping their relationship alive. But what does the effort entail? What are they doing that’s so different to the other 40%?
Making time – Speak to anyone whose relationship has failed due to the distance and they will tell you that at first; they were never off the phone/Skype/Facebook to each other in the early days. Then after a while, the calls and messages started to deplete. Pretty soon, they seemed to be missing calls more often than taking them. The reason? They had other things going on, something came up and they just weren’t around.
image source: eligiblemagazine.com http://eligiblemagazine.com/
This is natural. Life goes on and just because the person you normally share your experiences with isn’t there, doesn’t mean you stop having experiences. But if long distance relationships are going to work, it depends on couples making time for each other. A busy day at work followed by some drinks with friends can mean it’s easy to not to call a loved one. But it’s just as easy to take two minutes to make that call or even send a text and let them know they’re in your thoughts.
Best foot forward – couples act as a sounding board for each other:
- Rough day at the office – Tell your partner about the idiots at work when you get home.
- Annoyed about finances – Speak to your partner and know that somebody else shares the problem with you.
- Annoyed with your partner – Tell them, possibly have an argument and then work things out.
These are standard procedures for most couples around the world no matter who they are. But couples in a long distance relationship need to keep things as happy as possible. I’m not saying that people should bottle up their emotions; that’s no good either. It’s just that if you only have ten minutes out of the day to speak to each other, it’s not advisable to spend the full ten minutes whining about all the things that are wrong in the world when you could be spending the time letting each other know how much you love each other. A great way to do this is by looking to the future. Talk about the things you look forward to doing together when you’re re-united; going for meals; sharing a bottle of wine with each other on the settee and watching a film; going away for a romantic weekend; anything that focuses on the positive and reminds you about why you’re going through the stress of being in a long term relationship.
What if it doesn’t work?
Whilst that 60% gives us all hope, it’s an undeniable fact that the other 40% still exists. Somebody has to be part of that percentile. Personal experience has taught me that not all long distance relationships work. For some people, it seems like everything is ok when things are easy, but the relationship simply doesn’t stand up to the huge test of distance. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever read is from Julie Gerstein who confesses that she stole it “directly from Maya Angelou”:
“When people show you who they are; believe them”
image source: orientalsparkle.blogspot.com http://orientalsparkle.blogspot.com/
Man tip: We love big gestures but only they’re not the be all and end all. Repeatedly promising things and not delivering is a million times worse than not making any gesture ever. Diamonds are not a girl’s best friend: kept promises are.
Rainy or Peachy 